Continuing here with revealing what it is that holds me back from opening up and reaching out to others:
For too long I have limited myself to the isolation and solitude of OCD, but here I use the tools of self-forgiveness and self-correction to change this pattern.
From here, I leave the isolation and greet a new world whose arms are open to me so long as my arms are open as well.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place differing amounts of worth on others, depending on how much feeling/emotional energy or benefit I think I can gain from the interaction.
When and as I see that I am placing others into an energetically-based value system, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to equality by embracing others as me, with an equal value to myself and everyone else.
I commit myself to stop any judgment of others, because the only judgment is self-judgment.
I commit myself to embrace others unconditionally as me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into a ‘people pleasing’ character, or to use manipulation tactics, such as physical movements, voice tonality, or words, in order to try to get people to ‘like’ me, and want to be around or spend time with me, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that this would surround me with relationships of dependence (instead of relationships of support), where those I connect to would come to me for a pleasing experience, and I would seek feeling/emotional energy from them, because I’ve framed relationships as a give-and-take, because of the belief that they would otherwise not want to be or spend time with me, or I would otherwise not want to spend time with them.
When and as I see myself trying to give or get an energetic experience out of a relationship, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-honest communication by taking a breath and clearing myself, clearing my starting point from a desire for energy to a practice in self-honest communication.
I commit myself to correct myself until self-honest communication is achieved.
I commit myself to stop myself from communicating in an exchange-based system of values.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, believe or perceive that I have no worth, and nothing to give in an interaction, except energy.
When and as I see that I am going into an experience of ‘worthlessness’, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-worth by reminding myself that I am walking this entire process for me, I am dedicating myself to me, and I am committing myself to me, because I am the most worthwhile thing that I have.
I commit myself to walk this process for me.
I commit myself to dedicate myself to me.
I commit myself to me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing my own thoughts of worthlessness and unworthiness to limit my participation with others, and thus limit my expression and who I am to only that of giving and receiving energy (positive or negative feelings/motional charges).
When and as I see that I am limiting my participation with others due to feelings of worthlessness, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-worth by pushing myself to interact with others, and show myself through physical actions what my expression is and who I am.
I commit myself to show myself who and what I can be and am through physical actions instead of the foundationless judgments of the mind.
I commit myself to push through worthlessness to see, realize and understand my innate worth that is the same in everyone.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think and believe that if I don’t use energy to manipulate others, that they will not want to be with me or spend time with me, instead of seeing and being my innate worth as a living, breathing being Here.
When and as I see myself trying to control how another thinks or feels about me, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-worth by reminding myself that I am not responsible for how others feel or think about me. If I took on that responsibility it would only be to validate some idea I have about myself, when I could be using the opportunity to create Who I Am , utilizing the interaction to find points that require direction, instead of wasting the opportunity by trying to control it.
I commit myself to wean myself off of the addiction to emotional and feeling energy.
I commit myself to learn and push and fight for the power of self-creation.
More self-forgiveness to come!