The Fear of Being Ugly (part six)



Continuing from my previous self-forgiveness statements, scripting out here my self-corrections and self-commitments to stop the patterns I live that do not support myself nor anything or anyone else. To change them to patterns of self-support that can be lived daily, in every breath, to support myself to let go of compulsive skin-picking.

These self-commitments and self-corrections are derived from the self-forgiveness statements from Day 169- Dermatillomania: The Fear of Being Ugly, which I would highly suggest reading for context and for its own merit.

When and as I see myself observing others and making comparisons of them to myself in my mind, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-acceptance by accepting everything about the appearance of others as simply ‘Who They Are’ and Where they are At within their own process, the same self-acceptance that I would now afford to myself, unconditionally, so that within my interactions I am coming from the starting point of actual communication; where each one is heard and each one listens, instead of two beings judging each other in their minds, creating secret competitions, causing each to feel better or feel worse after the interaction, instead of simply sharing a moment and then letting it go.

I commit myself to interact with others based on Who They Are, and Not how they look, getting to know who others are in their entirety,

I commit myself to Listen and Hear when interacting with others, instead of looking and thinking.

When and as I see that I am being or becoming influenced by my external environment, based on my reactions to/towards the looks, words or actions of others to/towards me, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to my own decision-making ability by deciding to, in the moment of reaction, let it go, and breathe. I direct myself to move on to the next task, and not carry with me any reactions I may have experienced. I direct myself to continuously let go of the previous moment, until I no longer experience the reaction in the first place, because I had proven so thoroughly how futile it in fact ever was.
I commit myself to clear myself of the reactions I create and manifest within me, moment to moment, making sure I am clear within each moment, not carrying over reactive energy from the last/past moment.
I commit myself to stop feeding the reactions I create based upon the actions and reactions of others. Each is in his/her own process, thus reacting to another is only creating unnecessary consequences for myself and for the other- but mostly for myself.

Yoga and Derma

yoga and derm
I began my relationship with yoga about 15 years ago, and it was contentious for a long while. Having struggled with OCD for most of my life, most times getting out the door in itself is a difficult challenge. Not to mention going into an intimate class setting and then into some very strange positions. But I never gave up on yoga – or I should say, i never gave up on myself within and as my practice.
I have decided to take on OCD in this life, and in one way or another, everything I do relates to this battle, either directly or indirectly. Battling OCD is much like battling an addiction. This battle is also going on at a dna level, where I’ve inherited this disorder through genetics. Some would say this is impossible, at least not without medication.
I did get to a point where I was advised to take medication, so I have tried medication. What I did with that is that I learned from it. I could see it’s effects on me and I could see that it would also be possible to have the same impact on myself through decision-making in self-awareness. So I could mimic the effects of the medication within myself, but of course, this takes mental-discipline and consistent self-awareness that I am still developing.
One tool of support I learned from the interview Creating Balance while Changing Yourself is how to establish a balance between letting go of the old, while creating the new. Letting go of OCD while creating the new me as Who I Am and Will be without this disorder in my life.
Very true, from the description:
This interview shares practical and creative ways to give yourself structure as well as freedom when taking on the more challenging and addictive patterns you want to change.
It has been many months since I learned about this balance, and over the months I have continuously applied the practical application mentioned in the recording.
I wrote out a list of things I would like to work on developing in my life, and then a brief ‘how-to’, keeping it very practical in terms of making it very live-able for me in my life and current situation. The list includes everything from exercising more regularly, to developing self-expression, maintaining an orderly and tidy environment to down-time.
This application gives me the structure and foundation upon which to support myself to stand as I tackle the challenges of facing OCD. Part of it is the fact that when I previously tried ‘just stopping’ OCD, there was a big space, gap or hole left in my life which I sought to fill and didn’t know how. It would inevitable always lead back to OCD. Or, I would try to replace OCD, but that made everything I did about the disorder and not about me. There is a slight difference between replacing and addiction and letting go of an addiction. This is emphasized in the recording and the outcomes are very different – one leads to healing while the other to suppression.
Continued in this blog: Yoga and Overcoming Skin-Picking