Anxiety Series

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Anxiety Series – Dermatillomania: How and Why We Build Up Anxiety (part one)

Anxiety Series – Deconstructing Anxiety, Dis-Arming Dermatillomania (part two)

Anxiety Series – Deconstructing Anxiety, Dis-Arming Dermatillomania (part three)

Anxiety Series – Walking Through Anxiety, Dis-Arming Dermatillomania (part four)

Anxiety Series – Dermatillomania: Anxiety Dimension Solution (part five)

Picking My Skin to Escape Reality

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to pick my skin.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to pick my skin as a mechanism to avoid being here with myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create and manifest discomfort/uneasiness/crawling sensation/irritability when and as I am present within myself or when I stop myself from picking or scratching at my skin.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use skin-picking/scratching as a way to avoid facing myself in the moment, in presences and awareness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, believe or perceive that I can’t face myself and the way I feel inside head on, because it feels too uncomfortable, unpleasant, overwhelming and frightening.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, believe and perceive that the world around me is too overwhelming, chaotic and out of control for me to exist within, and within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want, to need, and to desire to have absolute control over my environment within the belief that it would change how I experience myself if I did.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have created an ultimatum, wherein I try to control everything in my Life and world, and when that fails, I withdraw completely into the disorder as an absolute disconnecting and escape.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, believe and perceive that having absolute control over my environment is possible.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that all other human beings have it together and have complete control over their environments except me, and that there is some specific formula that I am missing that I could somehow find to ‘make it right’ and ‘be ok’ like everybody else seems to be.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to obsessively try to perfect everything and find every little flaw in a try and an attempt to find that ‘thing I am missing’ that would make it all right and all ‘okay’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to obsess over myself and my physical body within an attempt to find every little flaw within the idea, perception and belief that if I didn’t have a certain blemish or bump or imperfection, I would be perfect and then things would be/feel ok, and I would be ok.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that the way I feel within myself is a direct result of how I look or what is going on in my life and my world, instead of seeing realizing and understanding that it has nothing to do with my physical body or events and play-outs in my life. It has everything to do with the way I feel about these things, or the feeling and emotional energetic relationships I develop to and towards them.

Within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realize and understand that I am the one that actually determines and creates those relationships; therefore, I am the one that is responsible for them and empowered to change them.

Picking My Skin to Gain Control

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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, believe or perceive that if I stop picking my skin, my skin will somehow go out of control so that within this, I create and manifest a constant ‘need’ to skin-pick in order to ‘keep everything in order’ in terms of my appearance, the appearance of my skin, and my physical body.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, believe or perceive that I am keeping anything in order by picking my skin,

and I accept and allow myself to see, realize and understand that I actually create dis-order in my life and world by constantly feeding this disorder,

and so the fear of dis-order fuels the disorder, instead of stopping and creating real order by walking myself towards self-supportive living

by understanding how I created the disorder,

thus making it orderly and manageable,

because then I will have all the answers, the seeing, the realizing, and the understanding,

thus walking this process as a realization and a decision, rather than a fight or a battle.

 

Because a fight or a battle implies two sides, or a split within one being.

Instead I become one with the disorder through living it and being aware of it, standing up from within and as it in order to stop as it through a process of forgiveness,

which brings understanding, which allows for self-correction, and eventual change.

This does not involve a forcing, a suppressing, or a conquering per se, but a being and becoming of the living realization that I have the choice, and I decide, not my disorder, ME.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, believe or perceive that if I stop myself from compulsively picking at my skin before I am ‘done’, that I am leaving something unfinished and out of control, and that I can only stop when I’m done because then the process is ‘complete’ and everything is ‘in order’ again,

instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I have never even taken a moment to investigate what is actually occurring when I consider myself to be ‘done’, or why I then feel ‘completed’ and everything back ‘in order’. I have never taken my power, and used my creative ability to define what these words mean, and what this moment looks like for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to only feel that the process is done when I have experienced some kind of elusive relief within me, wherein, the pursuit of this release is absolutely overtaking me, and has got complete control over my own directive principle, wherein I am placed in the background, and this want/need/desire takes complete control and makes me feel ‘stuck’ within it, because of the thought/perception/belief that if I stop, and unstick myself, I will experience a terrible feeling of withdrawal, and then everything will spiral out of control.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to NOT see, realize and understand that I am in fact spiraling out of control when I succumb to skin picking, because Who I AM takes a back seat, and the disorder takes over completely, proving to myself that I am in fact out of control, which is what I fear, and which is what I ‘m attempting to change through skin picking, when actually I am exactly creating myself as ‘out of control’ in my life and world.