Breaking Out of Isolation – Creating Something New (final)

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Here I am concluding the self-forgiveness on the point of living within and as isolation due to a fear of speaking up and reaching out to connect to others. Please read the first three parts of this process for context: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to never develop a supportive relationship with myself,  showing myself my own worth through my actions and comportment towards myself, but instead I have neglected myself, abandoned myself for the energy of the mind, and only judged myself, being hard on myself and beating myself up.

When and as I see that I am going into an energy of self-sabotage (I’m not god enough/I can’t do this/I don’t have the energy/it’s not worth it/I’ll fail anyways) I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-worth by stopping my actions and thoughts in that moment, and instead doing something nice and supportive to/towards myself. I remind myself that, so long as I am alive, it is not too late to be good to myself, to support myself, and to show myself that I am Here for me.

I commit myself to diminish self-sabotage, and increase self-support in my life until  all that is left is the self-support as Who I Am as Life.

I commit myself to honour and cherish myself.

The above, and in the past three blogs, are all words on a screen, however, these words exist within me. Because I went inside and found what it is I want to live and express from now on, I described the experience in words, I brought the words forth and put them on to a screen, and I read them again. I read these words TO myself AS myself, thus I have spoken and listened. I have HEARD these words, and the process of writing out the point has had an effect on me. I have had an effect on me. I have influenced me. I have challenged myself to see, do and be differently. I have taken an active role in creating myself as Who and How I want to be.

The effect of the practical application of these words has been laying the foundations of self-worth, self-care, and self-support, as well as a more dynamic self-experience. Because I value myself, I have shared myself, I have put myself ‘out there’, and I am receiving different feedback, reactions and perspectives from others; things I would not have otherwise considered. Because I see myself as worthy, I am connecting to others, I’m expanding and growing, I’m learning, I’m finding solutions and pushing for them. Because I am supporting myself, I am allowing myself a voice and having an effect on my reality. This, to me, is pushing towards really living; and to answer the questions I asked at the beginning:

“Is being held back by fears worth not fully living? Am I prepared to look back on it all, and among all the ups and downs and experiences, feel an underlying theme of regret? Am I not brave enough to live as an equal to others and all that is Here? Will I accept and allow my own self-judgment lead me to live a life of unworthiness?”

The  answer is an abounding YES! It is ALL worth it, because I am worth it.

 

Breaking Out of Isolation – Creating Something New (part three)

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Continuing here with revealing what it is that holds me back from opening up and reaching out to others:

For too long I have limited myself to the isolation and solitude of OCD, but here I use the tools of self-forgiveness and self-correction to change this pattern.

From here, I leave the isolation and greet a new world whose arms are open to me so long as my arms are open as well.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place differing amounts of worth on others, depending on how much feeling/emotional energy or benefit I think I can gain from the interaction.

 

When and as I see that I am placing others into an energetically-based value system, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to equality by embracing others as me, with an equal value to myself and everyone else.

 

I commit myself to stop any judgment of others, because the only judgment is self-judgment.

 

I commit myself to embrace others unconditionally as me.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into a ‘people pleasing’ character, or to use manipulation tactics, such as physical movements, voice tonality, or words, in order to try to get people to ‘like’ me, and want to be around or spend time with me, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that this would surround me with relationships of dependence (instead of relationships of support), where those I connect to would come to me for a pleasing experience, and I would seek feeling/emotional energy from them, because I’ve framed relationships as a give-and-take, because of the belief that they would otherwise not want to be or spend time with me, or I would otherwise not want to spend time with them.

 

When and as I see myself trying to give or get an energetic experience out of a relationship, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-honest communication by taking a breath and clearing myself, clearing my starting point from a desire for energy to a practice in self-honest communication.

 

I commit myself to correct myself until self-honest communication is achieved.

 

I commit myself to stop myself from communicating in an exchange-based system of values.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, believe or perceive that I have no worth, and nothing to give in an interaction, except energy.

 

When and as I see that I am going into an experience of ‘worthlessness’, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-worth by reminding myself that I am walking this entire process for me,  I am dedicating myself to me, and I am committing myself to me, because I am the most worthwhile thing that I have.

 

I commit myself to walk this process for me.

 

I commit myself to dedicate myself to me.

 

I commit myself to me.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing my own thoughts of worthlessness and unworthiness to limit my participation with others, and thus limit my expression and who I am to only that of giving and receiving energy (positive or negative feelings/motional charges).

 

When and as I see that I am limiting my participation with others due to feelings of worthlessness, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-worth by pushing myself to interact with others, and show myself through physical actions what my expression is and who I am.

 

I commit myself to show myself who and what I can be and am through physical actions instead of the foundationless judgments of the mind.

 

I commit myself to push through worthlessness to see, realize and understand my innate worth that is the same in everyone.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think and believe that if I don’t use energy to manipulate others, that they will not want to be with me or spend time with me, instead of seeing and being my innate worth as a living, breathing being Here.

 

When and as I see myself trying to control how another thinks or feels about me, I stop, and I breathe.  I bring myself back to self-worth by reminding myself that I am not responsible for how others feel or think about me. If I took on that responsibility it would only be to validate some idea I have about myself, when I could be using the opportunity to create Who I Am , utilizing the interaction to find points that require direction, instead of wasting the opportunity by trying to control it.

 

I commit myself to wean myself off of the addiction to emotional and feeling energy.

 

I commit myself to learn and push and fight for the power of self-creation.

More self-forgiveness to come!

 

For the entire series:

 

Breaking Out of Isolation (pt 2)

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In this blog, I am forgiving myself to set myself free. I am forgiving myself for all the judgements, hidden fears and secret thoughts that have caused me to be a shy, introverted person, incapable of reaching out to others for support.

Self-Forgiveness:

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid to approach others, to express myself in front of others, and to be myself when with others in a social setting.

 

When and as I am in a social setting, and I see that I am recoiling within myself, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to the simplicity of the physical, and allow myself to just be, talk, and move, without the complications of the mind of thoughts, beliefs, judgments and self-limiting fears, within the realization that I can pass from moment to moment and let it all go in one moment, and there is nothing that can cling to me and bring me down except by my own acceptance and allowance.

 

I commit myself to push myself to daringly live in the moment, from moment to moment,

 

I commit myself to prove to myself that there is nothing to fear from others, and that what I fear only exists within me, and is mine to change.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid to approach others because I worry they will be bothered by me coming up to them and drawing attention to myself.

 

When and as I am approaching another, and I get the sensation that they do not want to see me, I stop, and I breathe, I bring myself back to common sense by trying it first, before making the judgment. By ‘trying it first’ I mean: if I approach another and there is no sign that they don’t like my presence, then I can see that it is only in my mind. If, on the other hand, I see plainly that I am interrupting or coming at a bad time, that this is simply a practical point, NOT a personal point, and I can simply ask if it is a bad time for them. If/when I approach someone, and they react in impatience and annoyance, I remind myself that this is a point that they are dealing with, and has nothing to do with me and I should not take it personally.

 

I commit myself to judge in the moment, based on actual events, as to whether or not I should approach another, and if there is uncertainty, to simply ask.

 

I commit myself to breathe through the reaction of taking it personally if someone seems frustrated or annoyed, because I see that when I am annoyed or impatient with others, it is always because of something within myself, no matter how much I blame and project.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, believe or perceive that I am not worth someone spending their time on me or with me, and that there has to be some kind of ‘exchange or payment’ wherein the interaction has to be ‘deserved’ instead of shared unconditionally.

 

When and as I am going into the energetic experience of inferiority within the belief that I am not worth spending time with and have nothing to give, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-worth by sharing myself unconditionally, which is all I can do.

 

I commit myself to slow down during interactions, and to direct myself to, as much as possible, create mutually beneficial sharing through self-honesty.

More self-forgiveness to come!

For the entire series:

 

Breaking Out of the Isolation (part one)

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I have always been nervous and uncomfortable speaking up and reaching out to others. Going through school, jobs and life, I have often experienced myself as quiet, shy, and holding myself back from fully participating. Even on more intimate, personal levels, I find the fears and resistances towards reaching out are still existent within me. It is discouraging and saddening when one is too afraid to take the leap and initiate an interaction, because that’s when we start missing out on something that could have been; we are missing out on exploring who we are, and are throwing away our capacity as creators, never getting the chance to see what we had the potential to create as ourselves, or the journey we could have walked. In this we are, in a way, accepting and allowing a diminished version of reality, compared to one that we so easily could have enjoyed.
As time passes and we grow farther from the cradle and closer to the grave, life starts taking on a new seriousness and intensity. This cold, hard reality can lead to asking oneself some pretty substantial questions; Is being held back by fears worth not fully living? Am I prepared to look back on it all, and among all the ups and downs and experiences, feel an underlying theme of regret? Am I not brave enough to live as an equal to others and all that is Here? Will I accept and allow my own self-judgment lead me to live a life of unworthiness?
When we limit ourselves with fears, we are missing out on so much everything life has to offer. If we need support, but are too scared to open up and ask, we are condemning ourselves to isolation and solitude. What is this veil of shyness/timidity/fear really hiding? What is the value and definition we’ve placed on ourselves that is making us feel too scared to reach out to others, or to participate freely in a social interaction?
In my next blog, I will explore this point for myself by using self-forgiveness; forgiving myself unconditionally for the hidden fears, values and self-definitions that I held about myself.
For the entire series:

How to Get to Work Without Ruining Your Day

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I left off in my last blog by re-scripting my morning routine, effectively editing out any OCD behavior. I saw how it in fact not only completely sabotages my mornings, but also sabotages my relationship to myself. It does this by severely undermining my self-trust, as I have shown myself that with OCD, I can’t depend on myself because I can’t depend on whether or not my own actions will be congruent with my intentions.

Also, the fact that I accept and allow myself to fall into compulsions in the morning causes me stress and anxiety, due to the fear of being late for work, which fuels and perpetuates the disorder throughout the day. This ‘starting the day out on a bad foot’ creates a nearly impossible foundation for me to walk throughout my day with the vigilance and discipline I require to manage OCD, which I require to do throughout the day and into the evening.

With this re-scripting, I have seen my anxiety levels decrease in normal and uneventful situations. This is why I am continuing on here, where I have done my morning routine, and I am now heading out the door and catching the bus to the metro. In future blogs I will do them same for stressful events and circumstances that arise, but first I have to start with a platform of stability:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to steal little moments of time from myself, when I see that I’m not ‘late’ yet, and using these stolen moments to go into OCD knowing that I don’t yet have control over it and that I will almost inevitably take too much time, which accumulates into me ending up leaving my house only minutes before the bus arrives, causing me to have to run and worry that I won’t catch it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that I have nothing to do with spare time in the morning, because it’s not enough time to do anything constructive, wherein I become stressed by the idea of spare time, because in the morning, that means time alone with me, and time alone with me is difficult when I’m not preoccupied and distracted because in those moments I feel the intense urges of OCD coming forward and beginning to react in my body.

When and as I see that I have little spare moments of time, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-direction by reminding myself that I do have better uses for that time, and that it is in fact precious time. I direct myself to walk through my morning tasks until they are done, unaffected by the possibility that I may end up with extra time, and if that time does, I direct myself to find a better use for it, such as spending more time saying goodbye to my partner or walking more slowly to the bus to be able to enjoy the day, for example.

I commit myself to push myself to stop wasting precious time on OCD, and to instead invest into myself, using that time to add value to myself and my life, instead of taking value away.

I commit myself to continue to breathe through the suppressions coming to the fore, instead of pushing them back down and distracting myself, so that I may walk through my tasks uninterrupted by OCD, even if it feels bad/uncomfortable, I know it will subside/go away eventually.

I commit myself to say longer goodbye’s to my partner, and to walk slowly to the bus when I have extra time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel triumphant when I catch the bus when I’m late, as if I had won a race or beat the odds, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I had already lost the moment I left the house, because I had missed moments I could have spent with myself, preparing myself to effectively handle myself throughout the day.

When and as I am running for the bus when I am late, I stop within myself, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-honesty by reminding myself that it is not in fact me that is moving myself and feeling triumphant, but rather the stress energy that I had accumulated during the morning as I create a situation where I am late. If I in fact have to run, I run as self-movement, with and as breath, with no extra ‘motivating factors’ coming from my mind, feeding the OCD cycles.

I commit myself to continue to remind myself to remain stable within myself, no longer utilizing the self-created stress-inducing scenarios to feed and perpetuate OCD within and as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become uneasy around the passengers on the bus.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, believe and perceive that all the passengers on the bus are looking at me and judging me in some way, causing me to become self-conscious which makes my skin crawl, causing me to feel dirty.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that the passengers on the bus are looking at me the way I look at myself, when I look at myself through OCD/dermatillomania, close up and looking for imperfections, narrowing in on every flaw and going into judgment/repulsion due to my mind creating the ideas that my skin is dirty even when it is not.

When and as I see that I am sitting on the bus and I begin to feel my skin crawl, and I start feeling generally dirty due to the presence of others, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-honesty by using common sense to determine that I am completely the same as I was when I left my house, when I at the gym, and when I’m with my partner, and these are all moments/situations where I feel normal. I bring myself back to normalcy through breathing through the thoughts/sensations that I am unclean and remind myself that it is not real, but a self-created sensation in my mind, therefor I can change it and choose to feel differently.

I commit myself to stop myself from feeling dirty and unclean by constantly and continuously stopping, breathing, using common sense to remind myself that the feelings are not real, and releasing/letting go of the thoughts.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to observe the other passengers and to judge them, because this creates a fear of judgment in myself, as I wouldn’t want someone else to look at me and judge me the way I know I am looking at and judging others.

When and as I see that I am judging others on the bus, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-honesty by reminding myself that the only judgment is self-judgment, which means I see something of myself in those that I am judging, and so long as I judge, I will be judged, because I am judging me instead of changing me. I bring forth self-acceptance by letting the judgments go, and embracing the presence of those that I see around me, placing myself in their shoes, and seeing within self-honesty, that which I am judging in myself.

To be continued….

OCD/Dermatillomania: How to Prevent the Tension Build Up

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I will be identifying what it is throughout the day that I react to in stress/anxiety/fear/irritation/agitation/anger. These reactions hit me in jolts and seem to remain within me instead of being processed out and diffused over time. For me, as an OCD/derma sufferer, it remains inside and builds up, causing me to feel tense, anxious and wound up most all of the time. What I will do is walk through my day, look at the triggers, and release them with self-forgiveness, self-commitments, and self-corrective application.

 

Morning:

 

I wake up, several thoughts get me out of bed:

 

“I need to go to work”

 

“I can’t be late for work”

 

“What do I need to do to be as fast as possible so I can get to work on time”

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wake up thinking “I need to go to work”.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect emotional stress, anxiousness, and a ‘rushed’ energy to the thoughts that I wake up with in the morning of “I need to get to work”, “I can’t be late for work”, and “what do I need to do to be as fast as possible to get to work on time”.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, believe or perceive that if I don’t rush, or go as fast as possible, that I will be late for work.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing stress, anxiety, and rushed-ness to exist within and as me.

 

When and as I see that I am going into stress, anxiety, and rushed-ness in relation to the fear of being late for work, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to comfort within myself by reminding myself that I set my alarm to give me an adequate amount of time to prepare, and that I make it to work on time every single morning, unless there is an unforeseen circumstance which prevents me, in which case I will call in and explain, which is as much as I can do.

 

I commit myself to push myself to walk through my morning routine within/as self-direction, comfort and ease, as I move from one task to the next with common sense,  instead of stress, anxiety and rushed-ness within the paranoia of being late/developing a bad reputation/being fired.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to terrorize myself with thoughts that if I am late for work, my boss and managers will be angry, my colleagues will judge me, and I will develop a bad and undependable reputation, and I will lose my job and fall into debt, and not get a good reference from which to get another good job.

 

When and as I see that I am imagining pretend consequences of scenarios where I am late for work, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to common sense by reminding myself that I am rarely late because I manage myself and my time in such a way to prepare myself to get to work on time, that this job is not the only way to support myself in this world, that I can live in such a way to avoid large debt, that I already have enough references for work and even if I didn’t, I could still get a job and make new references, and with the skills I am developing, namely discipline, perseverance and consistency, I know I ca be successful at most jobs I can get.

 

I commit myself to let go of my past self-definitions created by memories of a not too distant past where I  didn’t have the essential life skills I am now developing, I wasn’t able to hold down a job mostly due to my OCD, I was accumulating debt, and I was not in control of most elements in my life. Within this, to also see that even from there, I was able to correct my life over time, step by step, to get myself into/back into an empowered position.

 

I commit myself to talk myself down from terrorizing myself with pretend doomsday scenarios that are blown out of proportion, and to instead have a self-honest look at the actual reality of the my life situation.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think of myself as a bad and undependable person.

 

I commit myself to continue to work towards being and becoming more disciplined, consistent and organized at home, because I then bring these habits into everything that I do, and with these skills I will, over time, become someone I can depend on and therefor will be dependable for others.

 

I commit myself to continue learning how to incorporate living actions of self-acceptance and self-care into my daily life and routine.

 

I commit myself to stop feeding and following the self-depreciating and self-judgmental thoughts that ‘I am not good enough’, or ‘I can’t be depended on’, because I know this is self-sabotage, and that I am walking a process of self-acceptance and self-worth, teaching myself how to be dependable for me, through self-application and pushing myself towards becoming consistent and self-directed.

 

When and as I catch myself thinking negatively about myself as ‘who I am as a person/employee’ in judgmental and self-depreciating ways, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-worth by reminding myself that this way of thinking is disempowering and is an avoidance mechanism within which I can find the justification and excuse to not change, not push myself, not challenge my current way of being, and to continue with OCD.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to sabotage my self-trust, within and through picking my skin instead of directing myself to complete that tasks I set out for myself, tasks which I put in place to support myself to be organized and on time, such as preparing food/clothes the night before, taking a shower, and reading/writing myself out, and then going to bed on time.

 

When and as I see that I am picking my skin instead of accomplishing constructive, self-supportive tasks, I stop, and I breathe, I bring myself back to self-love and self-support by pushing myself to breathe through the experience instead of continuing on picking, within the understanding that relief or ‘end point’/completion experience will not come through picking, but will be made real through actually applying the discipline to move through daily tasks/obligations/responsibilities, thus developing the self-trust required to be able to depend on myself that I will not create anxious, stressful scenarios for myself to live out and remain in the anxiety disorder mind.

 

I commit myself to continue to push myself to replace OCD/picking with constructive tasks that serve to support me to release myself from the disorder.

 

I commit myself to NOT judge myself when I fall, but to constantly and continuously pick myself up and try again, each and every time until it is manifest.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that if I have more time in the morning, I will pick my skin.

 

When and as I see I have spare time in the morning, creating the desire to act out OCD impulses, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-support and self-stability through self-movement and self-direction, within the understanding of the choice that stands in front of me: to pick, or not to pick. I choose not to pick, and to walk through and bear the accumulated consequences of this choice until I have processed it all and it is done.

 

I commit myself to bear the burden I have created for myself until it is processed, figured out, understood, seen, re-directed and re-scripted.

 

I commit myself to walk through the self-created consequences of having lived with and depended on OCD for so many years, because I see, realize and understand that there is no other way.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe that if I don’t feel rushed, I will not move effectively and will pick my skin.

 

When and as I see that I am creating the feeling of ‘rushed’ as a way to avoid facing and walking through what I’m really feeling, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to presence, awareness and self-movement with breath, by reminding myself that I choose not to live a life of avoidance, and that I have it in me to face that which lies beneath the surface, no matter how unpleasant it is, because I have already proven it to myself that I can do it, it’s just a matter of continuing to do it over and over, until it is done.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel physically anxious and stressed if I am not rushing and moving fast within the belief that I will not get to work on time, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that the anxious, stressful rushed energy is not valid, and it’s not what’s moving me. I am moving me, and the emotional experiences of anxiety, stress, and rushed-ness are only in my mind, and are all a part of the disorder.

 

When and as I see that I am feeling anxious and stressed when I should be feeling calm and relaxed, I stop, and I breathe. I allow myself to feel the stress and anxiety without attaching any values to it, but to accept it and understand it, to breathe through it, to speak at least one self-forgiveness statement, and to push myself to move myself regardless.

 

I commit myself to learn how to effectively walk through the OCD mind reactions, by trial and error, writing myself out, and practical application of what I script for myself through self-introspection and understanding.

 

 

There Is No Reset Button

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OCD is exhausting. Dermatillomania is damaging. Sometimes at night I fall into an OCD possession and after some time I am able to tell myself “just go to bed, Kim.” And I go to bed. I wake up the next day and it’s as if I am another person; someone who is not inflicted with uncontrollable compulsions. That’s not to say that the damage isn’t there. It’s there to varying degrees depending on how much self-control I was able to exert the night before. But I wake up mostly feeling lighter, not yet burdened with the day’s baggage. This morning, however, I woke up feeling as if nothing had changed from the night before. It was as if everything had just been placed on pause only to  resume again exactly as is was once the sun came up again.

 

I felt horribly dreadful and completely flattened because I didn’t get my ‘reset’ of a good night’s sleep. I don’t know why this happened, all I know is that I didn’t get my ‘get out of jail free card’. So I decided to do some self-forgiveness on it to see how I could turn this self-defeating situation into a self-empowering lesson for me to learn from. I sat down and opened my computer and began to write:

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to depend on the feeling of starting over with each new day, wherein in the morning I will feel fresh and new as if the previous day’s event hadn’t occurred, within this, forgetting the seriousness or gravity of the disorder I’m facing, by intentionally ignoring or ‘forgetting’ what I go through each and every day.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel doom and gloom when I don’t wake up feeling refreshed, as if a reset button hadn’t been pressed, because I placed the responsibility on my physical body to absorb the previous day’s activities, and to heal the damage I had done, and within this:

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place the responsibility upon my physical body to deal with the consequences of what I do due to the disorder I have, instead of taking the responsibility upon myself with the utmost seriousness and gravity, wherein I am able to do everything within my power to assist and support myself to manage this disorder.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to do the bare minimum to manage this disorder, and to hide and cover up the fact that at most times, it is not under control, and to try to hide it from myself, suppress it and sweep it under the rug, thus creating a situation of denial within which I am only undermining myself by preventing myself from doing absolutely everything I can to assist and support myself to walk in this life with and through this disorder.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel overwhelmed, diminished and powerless when I do not wake up feeling refreshed and ‘new’, but instead feel as if the previous day’s struggle and load were here with me immediately upon waking up, and within this:

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not want to face the struggle and the weight I have created and carry due to the manifestation of this disorder and all the outflows and consequences it causes.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not know how to deal with and manage this disorder, and to within this ‘not-knowing’ fall into a default-mode program instead of actually standing up and facing it through exploration and investigation, and actively seeking and searching for a solution for and as myself.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fall into what is comfortable and feels ‘right’, instead of using a practical outlook wherein I would asses my behavior and look and the consequences and outflows, and then make a reality-based assessment of whether or not what I am doing is actually assisting and supporting me to live to my utmost potential. Within this:

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to act based on what feels ‘right’, even though it is blatantly obvious that it is destructive and damaging to myself in every way.

 

When and as I see I am ignoring the gravity and seriousness of my disorder by hiding from it and ignoring it, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-movement by bringing the disorder Here, in front of me, in order to remind myself that I have a task to do and a process to walk that involves moment to moment application, and within looking at the disorder Here, in the present moment, I decide how to best proceed in such a way that I am dealing with, and NOT ignoring, that which I have created and must now undue and replace with the creation of myself as Life, equal and one Here.

 

I commit myself to realize and understand that this disorder is not greater than me, by walking with it and through it step by step until it’s done.

 

I commit myself to face myself within that which I have created as OCD/dermatillomania.

 

I commit myself to stop hiding from OCD and sweeping it under the rug and doing the bare minimum in order to live and survive.

 

I commit myself to do everything within my power to manage and overcome OCD/dermatillomania.