Here I am concluding the self-forgiveness on the point of living within and as isolation due to a fear of speaking up and reaching out to connect to others. Please read the first three parts of this process for context: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to never develop a supportive relationship with myself, showing myself my own worth through my actions and comportment towards myself, but instead I have neglected myself, abandoned myself for the energy of the mind, and only judged myself, being hard on myself and beating myself up.
When and as I see that I am going into an energy of self-sabotage (I’m not god enough/I can’t do this/I don’t have the energy/it’s not worth it/I’ll fail anyways) I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-worth by stopping my actions and thoughts in that moment, and instead doing something nice and supportive to/towards myself. I remind myself that, so long as I am alive, it is not too late to be good to myself, to support myself, and to show myself that I am Here for me.
I commit myself to diminish self-sabotage, and increase self-support in my life until all that is left is the self-support as Who I Am as Life.
I commit myself to honour and cherish myself.
The above, and in the past three blogs, are all words on a screen, however, these words exist within me. Because I went inside and found what it is I want to live and express from now on, I described the experience in words, I brought the words forth and put them on to a screen, and I read them again. I read these words TO myself AS myself, thus I have spoken and listened. I have HEARD these words, and the process of writing out the point has had an effect on me. I have had an effect on me. I have influenced me. I have challenged myself to see, do and be differently. I have taken an active role in creating myself as Who and How I want to be.
The effect of the practical application of these words has been laying the foundations of self-worth, self-care, and self-support, as well as a more dynamic self-experience. Because I value myself, I have shared myself, I have put myself ‘out there’, and I am receiving different feedback, reactions and perspectives from others; things I would not have otherwise considered. Because I see myself as worthy, I am connecting to others, I’m expanding and growing, I’m learning, I’m finding solutions and pushing for them. Because I am supporting myself, I am allowing myself a voice and having an effect on my reality. This, to me, is pushing towards really living; and to answer the questions I asked at the beginning:
“Is being held back by fears worth not fully living? Am I prepared to look back on it all, and among all the ups and downs and experiences, feel an underlying theme of regret? Am I not brave enough to live as an equal to others and all that is Here? Will I accept and allow my own self-judgment lead me to live a life of unworthiness?”
The answer is an abounding YES! It is ALL worth it, because I am worth it.