OCD is a CHOICE?! Living the Decision to Stop

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I don’t have the choice to participate in OCD or not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the only way I can get through is to submit to OCD.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe or perceive that I can only let go and release the tension and anxiety within me if I pick or scratch my skin.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it won’t go away if I don’t subject myself to perform the obsessive compulsions that seem to ‘pop up’ in my mind every time I feel fear/anger/stress/anxiety or frustration.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid taking the self-responsibility to direct my fear, anger, anxiety, stress or frustration, and instead to avoid it and suppress it through participating in OCD and self-harming.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore that fact that I have proven to myself that I am in fact able to diffuse the energy build up through breathing, stabilizing myself, and moving myself in a moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that, in these moments of decision, if I give the disorder an inch, it will take a mile.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the fact that in these moments of decision, it’s ALL or NOTHING, and the apparent ‘threat’ of losing my precious disorder, is real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to my own empowerment in absolute fear and petrification, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that what I am looking forward to is freedom from something that has been enslaving me for most of my life, and that it is not scary and I will not be lost and it wont be horrible, because I can and will just be myself, and be able to discover myself and who I am beneath the disorder that has been covering me up and keeping me in for so long.

To be continued….

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