The Secrets Within How We View Our Skin (part two)

This blog is continued from: The Secrets Within How We View Our Skin.

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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘skin’ to the word ‘shameful’.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘skin’ within the word ‘shameful’.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘skin’ and from the word ‘shameful’ by defining the word ‘skin’ within the word ‘shameful’ in separation of myself.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect my skin to the word ‘shameful’ because when I think of or see my skin I feel ashamed of what I have done to it because I know that what I am doing is hurting me, yet I do it anyways because it feeds the energies in my mind which allows me to remain the same, stuck in the same cycles which keeps me in the addiction that is called dermatillomania and OCD, wherein I sacrifice myself as my physical body, that of me which is real, for the sake of a psychological ‘need’, which is not real in our shared reality, but only in my mind.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel ashamed of the choices I constantly make day in and day out, to submit to the urges, and to not do everything in my power to stop, but to instead put it off, do it later, allow it ‘just once’ more, making excuses, justifications and validating the behavior repeatedly.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel ashamed of myself because I developed a disorder due to ignorance and a lack of information and a lack of proper tools to deal with how to direct myself in relation to how my mind processes experience and my reactions towards it.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, believe or perceive that it is my skin that I am ashamed of, when my skin simply exists as it is, without judgment, whereas I as the mind attach emotional energetic reactions and judgments to myself and everything around me thus feeding the disorder and deteriorating myself and the qualities I need to develop to be able to overcome it.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing shame to exist within and as me.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing shame to replace action/practical application of the tools I am learning, and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use shame to get me down and make me feel bad about myself which I can then use as a justification and excuse to not change and not take care of myself.

 

I commit myself to replace shame with action, with all the small actions as steps I am taking to stabilize myself and my life.

 

I commit myself to continue and to increase pushing myself towards developing the discipline, self-will, self-motivation, steadfastness and perseverance that I will require to overcome this disorder as well as to realize myself as Life Here.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘skin’ to the word ‘stretched’.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘skin’ within the word ‘stretched’.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘skin’ and from the word ‘stretched’ by defining the word ‘skin’ within the word ‘stretched’ in separation of myself.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see my skin as stretched because it does not ‘bounce back’ from the damage I do the way it used to and thus I view it as old and dried out and stretched and I imagine a picture of sore and stretched out skin.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to pick and squeeze and scratch my skin until it feels all stretched out, and then to react to it in fear of wrinkles, aging, marks and scars, as if my skin itself were causing the fear and as if I were the victim in the scenario.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not take responsibility for my actions within not looking at the fact that stopping picking my skin would prevent the premature aging of my skin, and instead simply remaining the same yet adding the dimension of fear to fuel my disorder, wherein I remain in a constant fear reaction that is re-charged every time I participate in another picking session.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within the constant fear of aging and losing my youth and perceived ‘beauty’ or ‘attractiveness’ due to the damage I have done to my skin, and within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a heightened reaction to my skin aging due to the heightened value and importance I have place on having ‘perfect skin’ and youth and beauty when I am in fact destroying the potential for any of this through accepting and allowing dermatillomania.

 

Also within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the very real point of ‘too late-ness’, wherein my skin will slow down and stop regenerating, and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear living full of regrets due to having destroyed something that I have placed so much value and importance upon.

 

I commit myself to preserve my skin and assist and support it to be the healthiest it can possibly be, not from a starting point of fear of loss/attractiveness/beauty, but from the starting point of self-acceptance, self-love and self-care.

I will continue within my next blog.

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