There is a lot of guilt associated with OCD, and tonight I will be looking into the point of guilt in relation to the lack of focus and attention that is given to the surrounding environment (including people and responsibilities), because the focus and attention is instead being paid to the disorder, the ‘mind-state’ of the disorder.
Because of and due to this, there is a lack of attention and focus that is given to the surrounding environment, there is less value placed upon it. As they say, you give value to that which you give attention. So, the value is placed squarely on the disorder, and everything else plays second fiddle.
At a glance, I might be inclined to say the guilt stems from neglect, but within digging a little deeper one sees- it is an entire devaluation of everyone and everything for the sake of the disorder, and then covering up that truth with layers and layers of other emotions and feelings.
But really, we make the most important thing in our lives the disorder. That is what gets the most attention, the most time and dedication, the most focus and growth. So, in this way, the disorder becomes that which is valued, in a bizarre and twisted way, above and beyond anything and anyone else; and the guilt comes from the fear of anyone ever finding this out.
To be continued…