I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, believe or perceive that if I stop picking my skin, my skin will somehow go out of control so that within this, I create and manifest a constant ‘need’ to skin-pick in order to ‘keep everything in order’ in terms of my appearance, the appearance of my skin, and my physical body.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, believe or perceive that I am keeping anything in order by picking my skin,
and I accept and allow myself to see, realize and understand that I actually create dis-order in my life and world by constantly feeding this disorder,
and so the fear of dis-order fuels the disorder, instead of stopping and creating real order by walking myself towards self-supportive living
by understanding how I created the disorder,
thus making it orderly and manageable,
because then I will have all the answers, the seeing, the realizing, and the understanding,
thus walking this process as a realization and a decision, rather than a fight or a battle.
Because a fight or a battle implies two sides, or a split within one being.
Instead I become one with the disorder through living it and being aware of it, standing up from within and as it in order to stop as it through a process of forgiveness,
which brings understanding, which allows for self-correction, and eventual change.
This does not involve a forcing, a suppressing, or a conquering per se, but a being and becoming of the living realization that I have the choice, and I decide, not my disorder, ME.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, believe or perceive that if I stop myself from compulsively picking at my skin before I am ‘done’, that I am leaving something unfinished and out of control, and that I can only stop when I’m done because then the process is ‘complete’ and everything is ‘in order’ again,
instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I have never even taken a moment to investigate what is actually occurring when I consider myself to be ‘done’, or why I then feel ‘completed’ and everything back ‘in order’. I have never taken my power, and used my creative ability to define what these words mean, and what this moment looks like for myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to only feel that the process is done when I have experienced some kind of elusive relief within me, wherein, the pursuit of this release is absolutely overtaking me, and has got complete control over my own directive principle, wherein I am placed in the background, and this want/need/desire takes complete control and makes me feel ‘stuck’ within it, because of the thought/perception/belief that if I stop, and unstick myself, I will experience a terrible feeling of withdrawal, and then everything will spiral out of control.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to NOT see, realize and understand that I am in fact spiraling out of control when I succumb to skin picking, because Who I AM takes a back seat, and the disorder takes over completely, proving to myself that I am in fact out of control, which is what I fear, and which is what I ‘m attempting to change through skin picking, when actually I am exactly creating myself as ‘out of control’ in my life and world.