The Fear of Not Being Able to Pick My Skin


To clarify the title: In my previous blog I wrote about how when I stop myself from participating in the obsessive-compulsive rituals of OCD (specifically dermatillomania/excoriation) I get an uncomfortability.

There had been on several occasions, times where I stopped myself, and have then been overcome by this experience that I call ‘the terrible feeling’, which is the experience of an all-consuming fear that I can do nothing but breathe through until it stops.

What is interesting is that when I watch tv shows on addiction, I can relate the experience to the ‘withdrawal’ stage that addicts go through when they initially stop using the drug – it is similar to what I experience when I cannot ‘get my fix’ that I get during and after skin=picking.

There are several elements here that I would be dealing with, which are as follows: 1) I am the creator of both the ‘terrible feeling’ which I would describe as an overwhelming fear, AND the OCD itself as an escape.

So I would have to look into how I create the overwhelming fear in the first place, and then go into a bit more about how and why participating in skin-picking is experienced and perceived as a release and an escape, when in reality, it merely perpetuates the entire cycle. And 2) I fear NOT participating in skin-picking, because I fear that if I do not do it, I will get that feeling again.

Within this element, I would look at the internal conversations I have with myself that cause me to believe that if I stop this obsessive compulsion, I will suffer.

This internal conversation also justifies the participation, as well as contributes to creating the uncomfortability as a self-fulfilling prophecy by TELLING myself, if I stop, I will feel terrible, instead of actually writing out some practical applications for myself and stopping myself to see if in fact there is a reaction.

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